The COVID-19 pandemic has forced many to look again at their relationships: Family, friends, colleagues … and marriage.

In early March, reports emerged on social media about how married couples in China are failing the test of months-long quarantine and breaking up … reports that put doubt, and a shred of disappointment, in both the married and the single.

But is the pandemic really the culprit?

It's true that in major cities like Shanghai and Shenzhen, online appointments for divorce registration have piled up until after May 1, China's National Labor Day.

But it's also true that in cities like Linyi, eastern Shandong Province, civil affairs offices reported 997 less divorce cases in March – a 30 percent drop compared to the same time in 2019 – because 50 percent of the applications were filed by young couples in a temper, who later canceled after they made up.

Li Jun, a family law attorney at Beijing D&W Law Firm, said young couples tend to rush into divorce for a little bickering, but they would also rush back and get re-married.

She said young people, especially the single-child generation, are more open-minded about marriage, and don't really care about getting divorced.

Li has been getting consulting calls since early March for all kinds of reasons: small things like who should do the household chores and tutor the child, and serious problems like adultery, fights with in-laws, financial pressure and domestic violence.

The Shenzhen Intermediate People's Court released a white paper on domestic affairs on April 14, showing domestic violence (DV) has become the number one cause of litigious divorces for three consecutive years in the city.

Professor Lin Xiuyun from Beijing Normal University has been working as a family therapist for 15 years. She said there's no scientific proof that the coronavirus pandemic, or psychological change induced by it, is strong enough to change personality, that is, to turn non-violent people violent.

In her experience, DV perpetrators usually show remorse afterward. But the reason why they do it repeatedly is they're used to expressing frustration through physical or verbal abuse.

"I'm not justifying DV," she said, "I'm saying there's a behavioral pattern that can be broken. A confined, high-pressure environment can magnify negative emotions, which leads to fierce arguments, exchange of insults and curses, and eventually, physical conflict."

"When tensions rise," she said, "it's important to first try to de-escalate conflicts. Try and believe your partner has no intention to harm you. They just feel belittled, insulted, and hurt as much as you do. And they're defending themselves against the hostility from outside. Second, accept and respect your differences as individuals. Don't judge your partner's behavior with your own set of values."

When answering the meaning of marriage, Lin said a happy marriage is never one plus one equals two, rather half plus half equals one. She said before getting married, one must be ready to sacrifice a portion of their old self to make room for the new one.