Parenting, an eternal puzzle for all families, is taking up new challenges during the pandemic. For many families, virus containment measures like working from home means precious time to stay together. But as schools remain closed and teachers stay on the other side of the computer screen, parents also shoulder more responsibilities for taking care of their children. It is also a moment for many fathers to realize that they're needed to step up and play a bigger part in childcare.

In this episode of "The Chat Room," we invited three "proud fathers" and educators from China and the U.S. to discuss the father's role during the pandemic and to share their experiences of parenting and building healthy relationship with children.

Shifting role of father during the pandemic

During the pandemic, many things have changed. One of the major changes for some families has been the shifting role of the father.

David Leonard, a Columbia University professor, believes that the roles of mother and father have been changing for some time. Both are nowadays balancing work and parenting. He noted that many children are home-schooling during the pandemic in New York City. And fathers during the pandemic need to develop skills not only as parent, but as teachers too.

Echoing Leonard's opinion, Li Hailong, an English teacher at Beijing Chaoyang Experimental Primary School, said the father's role has been changing for decades. He comes from a traditional Chinese family, where his own father was busy with his career and his mother did all the housework. But for young parents like himself, people are building a closer relationship and spending more time with their child.

Liu Yuyan, chairman of the Camford Education Group, said he tried to be a role model for his children and take care of the family as much as he could. Though he admitted his wife still did the most work looking after the children, more changes are needed in the future.

The differences in parenting styles in China and the U.S.?

When comes to the differences of parenting between China and the U.S., the first thing that came to Leonard's mind was the similarities between both countries.

"There is an evolution. Fathers are evolving into being more involved with their children," he said, noting that fathers now also do errands for the family, like buying diapers at grocery stores.

Fathers now are in the middle of learning how to be more involved, learning how to be role models, he said, adding that fathers need to be more authentic, to unload their baggage and show more of their real emotions. After all, they are not only involved as fathers, but as men.

If Leonard's keywords in parenting are "being involved," then to Li Hailong, the keywords are "being supportive".

Neither a tiger father, nor a spoiling parent, Li defined himself "in the middle". He tried to be supportive to anything his daughter wants to do. "Anything reasonable," he said, mentioning that his daughter prefers Chinese kungfu to ballet. "OK. Let's give it a try," Li recalled saying, wishing his girl follows her interests to "grow within herself."

Tips to be a better father

As more fathers are recognizing the necessity of getting more involved in the family during the pandemic, many are still looking for better approaches than just "being physically there." Aren't there any small tips for fathers to improve their parenting skills?

Leonard argued that giving choices and freedom to children are just part of the strategy, fathers also have to practice it in clever ways. Too many choices can be overwhelming for children. Leonard said he always gave his daughter three choices, which were both acceptable to him and her – "It's helping. But it's in the shadow." Leonard suggested that the parent does not make the final decision, but filters the options to save their kids from "the universe of choices."

Liu highlighted the nurturing of independent thinking. Let children solve problem themselves, don't give them the answers. He told a real story about his son at a piano competition, who at first got confused about judges' preferences, but later found out the deciding element of winning the competition through personal investigation.

As a young parent, Li attaches great importance to expressing love and care to a child. Having a conversation with the kid at the end of each day is crucial in Li's philosophy, which assures kids that their parent is always available. While for elder kids playing sports and games is very often a good idea, he added. He also encouraged dads to express their love and emotions more, using big hugs and kisses to build connections.

Apparently, there is no shortcut for being a better dad. But with patience, love, and proper educational ideas, eventually, "Birds will fly".