Chloe Kim of the U.S. looks on from the podium after finishing first place in women's snowboard halfpipe at the Land Rover U.S. Grand Prix World Cup at Buttermilk Ski Resort in Aspen, Colorado, U.S., March 21, 2021. /CFP
First-generation Korean American snowboarder Chloe Kim has opened up about the devastating impact of hate crimes against Asian Americans on her mental health, saying that she too has not been immune to racist abuse online and offline.
The 20-year-old is a six-time X Games gold medalist and the first woman to win two Winter Youth Olympic snowboarding golds. She claimed the title of women's snowboard halfpipe at the Winter Olympics in PyeongChang in 2018, becoming the youngest woman to achieve this feat at 17 years old. But despite her athletic excellence, Kim admitted in an interview with ESPN that "people belittled my accomplishment because I was Asian."
Kim revealed that every time she achieved something, there would be voices criticizing her for taking gold medals from "white American girls on the team." "I was so proud of my accomplishment, but instead I was sobbing in bed next to my mom, asking her, 'Why are people being so mean because I'm Asian?'" Kim said.
Chloe Kim of the U.S. takes a training run for women's snowboard halfpipe final at the Land Rover U.S. Grand Prix World Cup at Buttermilk Ski Resort, March 21, 2021. /CFP
Kim limited her exposure to social last year, deleting Instagram from her phone and turning off social media alerts.
"I used to love responding to my fans, but I don't look at my messages much anymore. Even if you get thousands of supportive messages, the hateful one will hit you the most," she told ESPN.
In an Instagram post on Wednesday night, Kim shared some screenshots of the vicious attacks that targeted her for being Asian. "I get hundreds of these messages and it breaks my heart that people think this type of behavior is okay," she wrote.
Kim said that she'd been receiving such messages since winning her first medal at X Games Aspen when she was 13. "I feel really helpless and afraid at times. I'm really struggling."
The snowboarder said that she's received flak from white people who told her they were upset by her silence over racism, with some even calling her part of the problem for not speaking up. To them, Kim said "Do you realize I'm also Asian American and this affects me?"
The athlete explained that she's remained silent not because she's apathetic but because she's afraid.
Chloe Kim of the U.S. competes in women's snowboard halfpipe final at the Land Rover U.S. Grand Prix World Cup at Buttermilk Ski Resort, March 21, 2021. /CFP
From being spat on in public to being shouted at in the elevator, Kim told ESPN that "sometimes I feel like everyone hates me because I am Asian."
The abuse she's received forced her to stop speaking Korean to her parents outside of home and to limit her movement, seeking company whenever she needs to go outside unless it's for a quick appointment or if she knows the location will be crowded. Fearing for her safety, Kim said that she always has a taser gun, pepper spray and a knife in a fanny pack, even when she's walking her dog or going to the grocery store.
The U.S. has seen a rise in attacks against people of Asian descent in recent months fanned by damaging rhetoric from former President Donald Trump that intensified during the COVID-19 pandemic.
An 84-year-old Thai man was violently shoved to the ground and died on January 28 in San Francisco, a city where more than a third of the population is of Asian descent. Three days later, a 91-year-old Asian man was pushed facedown to the sidewalk by an assailant in Oakland. Last month, a shooting spree by a white gunman in Atlanta killed six Asian women.
"Every time my parents step out the door, I think maybe I won't see them again or maybe I will get a call from the hospital that they were attacked," Kim said.
"I'm scared all the time."