Mother's Day: Having kids totally changed their life

Editor's note: May 12 is Mother's Day. CGTN interviewed four new moms to have a look at how having kids changed their life physically, mentally and financially, and how they're navigating their new chapter of life. 

Having to wake up in the middle of the night sounds pretty annoying, but that's what they are going through every day, and that happens three to four times in one single night. Sometimes, they are awakened by deafening cries that don't seem to end.

Cece Shang is a stay-at-home new mom. Because her husband travels a lot for business, she had to hire a nanny to help her with her seven-month-old baby. Her daily routine includes feeding, cleaning, playing and cuddling, which is repetitive and continues around the clock.

"It sounds like I can be relaxed because I have a nanny, but the truth is that I have no weekend, no holiday. My time has been cut into very small chunks," said Shang. "Having a kid totally, completely changed my life," she added.

Having kids changed their life

Having a baby is a joyous time, but new moms often face numerous challenges. Most of them knew it would be hard in the beginning, but they didn't know how hard. Those challenges often include being sleep deprived, experiencing emotional ups and downs, body and identity anxiety, loneliness and dealing with financial burdens.

Yang Yingjie is also a new mom to a seven-month-old girl. Her mother-in-law began helping her with the baby after she returned to work. Yang said she likes going to work because staying at home and caring for a needy newborn is "very exhausting."

"I didn't like my baby in the first month after I delivered. Her coming shattered my previous world and I wished I had never been pregnant," said Yang. But as time went on, after she found a comfortable rhythm, she began to enjoy the journey of parenthood.

"You know, I didn't like work before I had a baby and I was always being negative. But nowadays, I feel empowered and very energetic. Every day after I get off work I will wheel her out and play with her," said Yang. "Being a mom is really great."

It's traditionally thought that women are the natural caregivers of babies but this assumption can trigger conflict, particularly between husband and wife.

Liu Bo is another new mom. She said it takes a lot of energy to accept the new identity and she even suffered from some symptoms of postpartum depression during the first months. According to her, with the coming of the baby, she longed for more emotional support from her family members, which influenced how she got along with them.

"I was always worried that a misjudgment or improper behavior would have a bad effect on my baby. And I always required other people to take care of the baby with my standards. Sometimes, I got angry at others because of my mistakes and pressure," said Liu. 

She told CGTN that her husband has taken more time to adapt to being a parent, as it is common for dads to believe that moms are naturally better at caring for babies. Liu said that her husband now has found a way to bond with their baby and she is on the way to making peace with herself, too.

"I think there is great space for my husband to make progress. I believe as our child grows up, he will have more understanding of the role of father," said Liu.

Family spending rockets

Aside from physical and mental changes, having kids can also bring financial pressure to families. According to a report by Yuwa Population Research Think Tank in 2022, the average cost of raising children from birth to 17 years old is 485,000 yuan ($68,400), and the cost will increase to 627, 000 yuan if the child goes through college education. 

For new parents, in addition to paying for utility bills and household necessities, they also have to buy a lot of newborn essentials and pay for medical check-ups. According to Shang, she recently spent at least 15,000 yuan at the hospital because her son got a fever that lasted for days.

Sun Xue, also a new mom, told CGTN that having a baby surely increased their household spending, with items such as formula, diapers, strollers, cribs and child car seats adding up, but she chose to spend more rationally.

"When I buy diapers, I will buy expensive brands, because that will protect his tender butt from red rash. But I'm thrift on buying clothes because my relatives gave me a lot of baby clothes that can hold up to the age of two or three," said Sun.

She added that for those items that can't be used when the child grows up, she will buy them from secondhand platforms. She stressed that safety and quality are the main focus when she buys baby items.

Liu feels similarly. She said that when it comes to things like car seats and strollers, she buys them from trade-in platforms, but she will buy expensive brands as she believes that high price is the guarantee of high quality.

"For example, I bought a stroller from Xianyu (a leading secondhand goods trading platform) that cost 850 yuan. Buying a new one of that brand will cost 2,500 yuan," said Liu. She did a lot of research on different types of strollers before buying it. "I'm using it now and it's pretty good."

Although they complained about the mental and financial pressures of having a baby, the new moms say they don't regret becoming a parent.

"She (my daughter) brought me great happiness and nothing in the world can compare to that," said Sun.

"I have never regretted having my son even though I was so tired. It's only after having a baby that you begin to face the real world," said Shang.

"Raising a child brings me happiness, and my unhappiness is more from self-adjustment," said Liu.

"Every time she smiles at me, I feel my heart melting," said Yang.