‍By Cao Xi

In China, it is said that there is no greater offense against the respect for one's parents, elders and ancestors than to fail to produce an heir.  

When He Fenglan gave birth, it was during the one-child policy. She was delighted that her only child was a boy. She named him Taotao, and when he reached his 20's, she started looking forward to him getting married and giving her a grandchild to look after. 

However, her hopes were shattered when Taotao announced that he was gay, and had been in a relationship with another young man, Duan Feng, who worked for an ad agency in Shanghai. “They came out to me on June 2, 2014,” He Fenglan says. “When he first told me, I thought the sky was falling. I just could not accept that he was gay.  It felt like... my heart was bleeding. After he told me, I could not sleep for a week. I just kept crying.”

She tried everything she could to make her son change. For weeks, she treated him like a stranger, refusing even to speak to him. “He is my only child,” she says. “Can you imagine, as a mother? It was just really hard, really hard.” She tried to negotiate but failed miserably. “I was thinking at the time if they could just be brothers. You would each have a wife, and I would take care of the grandchildren, right? That is what I wanted. But my son said he would not change.”

Gradually, she has come to acknowledge that Taotao’s happiness is paramount, and with time she has accepted the situation. She is now living with her son and Duan Feng in Shanghai. It is not the home life He Fenglan once dreamed of, but at least she is proud of being part of this happy family.